The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad morning

No pictures in this post, and once you read on a little further, you'll thank me.

Last night, after dinner, I handed out handfuls of raisins as a chaser. I let Holly have two handfuls, little realizing what this might entail.

This morning, she woke up with a dirty diaper. I changed her. We had breakfast, and unbeknownst to me, she quietly made another dirty diaper. I've been encouraging the kids to get themselves dressed and undressed. So I told her and Alex to pick out some clothes, and take their pajamas off.

Holly took off her pajamas, as well as her dirty diaper. On the bed. On the sheets.

We whisked the sheets off to the laundry. An hour and a half passed. Things were quiet. I made granola bars, and then lunch, which were taquitos.

I went to get Holly out of her high chair, and discovered that she had managed to somehow have a bowel explosion that missed her diaper entirely, and instead filled the plastic seat of the high chair and plastered the outside of her pants.

It was horrific. It was terrifying. It was scream-inducing.

I whisked her into the bathtub, but not before she had managed to sit on the bathroom rug. This became another item for me to rinse and rinse and rinse. So I washed her. And rinsed out her clothes. And rinsed out the rug. And cleaned out the high chair.

The high chair has a padded layer that fits down over the plastic body of the chair. Holly had soiled this padded layer. As I lifted it out, I discovered that months of crumbs and spilled drink had puddled between the padding and the plastic chair body, resulting in a chunk of horrifying, mold-filled ick.

So not only was I cleaning up fecal matter, I was also cleaning up this disgusting moldy substance from under the high chair's seat. I was nearing a nervous breakdown by the time I finished. Fortunately Ryan fielded cleaning the high chair itself, and was in the process of putting the sheets back on the bed when this all transpired.

I sat down to nurse the baby. Things quieted down. I began to calm down.

Then Alex and Holly emerged from the bathroom, displaying their new haircuts. That they had given themselves. Which consists of shaving their foreheads bald to the roots.

We laughed the kind of awful, hysterical laughter you only laugh when you've had a terrible, no good, very bad morning. And I declared nap time then and there.